Blue and Orange are your favorite colors

I know I haven't been the greatest friend, even a good friend at that. I'm rude and cold, I find ways to make fun of you, leave you out of my life. I didn't want to dissapoint you, so I lied. Yet I knew it being good friends wouldn't happen so fast. I was still bitter for the longest time. I still don't feel that you'd ever think about me the same. I'll never be worthy of being a good person, or an even equal. Remember when you asked me what I'd feel I would lose if we were to part, and I said "someone I could go to for anything, a close friend" and you said "we'll still be good friends"? We're not anymore, that's the most important thing about us, and its not there. Maybe its supposed to happen like this, but I still miss how we could talk, how i felt like you wanted to know about things because you cared. It only feels like you want to know so you can be the 'good' person and show that you 'care'. I'd reach for you, but I'm beaten. I wish you would reach out to me. Or someone I can talk to. Yet theres no reason I should even believe that would happen. You never did.